


What about Angels?

by orphan_account



Category: GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: 2seok vs Yoongi, Abuse, Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, Cheating, Daddy Issues, Dancer!Hoseok, From Sex to Love, Loss of Everything, M/M, Recovery from Bad Love, Truth or Consequences - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-06-05
Packaged: 2018-04-02 10:38:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4056883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Were angels real?</p><p>The question that made me wonder, asked by someone I cared greatly for. </p><p>I didn't understand at first...because I didn't know how to find them, that special person in my life.</p><p>But when I did...when I did, I realized that hoping for something that's not there to make your problems better was impossible.</p><p>"What about angels?" I asked.</p><p>"It's not about the angels, Yoongi." He said.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Clockwork

**Author's Note:**

> Hello this is Anx with yet another BTS fanfic except this one isn't modeled after a m/v.
> 
> Well it originally started with Converse High but then Burlesque came to mind and I was like "I'm going to ruin Bangtan." Only a few of them anyway.
> 
> Some GOT7 will be mentioned as well.
> 
> I feel as if there won't be a happy ending to this but let's ignore that and get to the first chapter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song of Chapter: (Sia - Chandelier Acoustic ver.)

_**Through that, I’m backspace-ing into the memories** _

_**In that world, everything is stopped** _

_**But why am I still hanging by that time? Do you think of me?** _

_**I contemplate, should I click Like or not... It repeats many times.** _

_**Your heart is set to guillotine...** _

 

_'Guillotine? I can barely pronounce that. Decollate. Execute...'_

 

"Do you losers know any words that can replace kill?"

 

"Uh oh, guys. Yoongi's writing lyrics again." The other dancers were walking around the dressing rooms applying makeup or getting dressed for their performances. 

 

He, however, already went up and had way too much free time left to spare. so he wanted to use it by writing lyrics. Jimin was just being douchey. "You didn't even change clothes yet."

 

To prove his point further, Yoongi reached his arm down to scratch at his, irritable yet comfortable, ripped fishnets that were gripping his pale, feminine legs--not that he gave a shit whether or not Jimin told him to change. 

 

"Shut up. It's kind of important, too. I need it." He turned back towards the napkin he used as paper in a spur of the moment. He had lyrics and needed to write them so Jaebum handed him one out of his makeup bag.

 

"Did you try execute?" Jae asked, zipping up and putting away his cosmetics. The night was winding down with the clocks so he should give it a rest.

 

Should but didn't. He'll find himself working on it later tonight in his place anyway. Hopefully in his place.

 

"Yeah. I did." Yoongi slid the napkin and pen to the side next to the clutter of makeup, brushes, cigarette boxes and whatever else dancers in the 20's had to accompany them.

 

His small gloved covered hands moved towards the right side of his face to remove the silver earrings that were quite irritating. Yoongi massaged his sore lobes before throwing the jewelry onto his vanity. "Fucking useless pieces of shit."

 

In the midst of undressing, he caught a glimpse of another dancer in a pretty tight (but fitting) cowgirl outfit walking through the red curtains separating them from the stage. The loud music was still booming, even with the curtain door closed."Jiminie!" 

 

By this time, Jimin was dressed in his usual guy attire of a black shirt and jeans, voice back to its full bass and makeup cleared from his face except the eyeliner of course. He looked up towards the person calling him with a "Ya?"

 

Yoongi only knew the guy--boy--by his actual name since he didn't have a dancer name yet and since he was from Taiwan, it was really long and complicated so everyone shortened Kunpimook Bhuwakul to just KunBhu.

 

The boy'd just got accepted into the club last week and hadn't had the time to choose one in between shows. Even when he had the time he couldn't find one although his hyungs stress how important it was to hide a face like his.

 

First off, he had really malleable hair he kept dark brown and liked his wigs the same color. KunBhu was a trainee but he delivered fanservice like it was his job from birth. He knew what excited the club members and knew how to tease them with it but that alone isn't enough to get him the amount of money he thought he'd get.

 

The boy sat at his vanity next to his friend's and reached up to grab a handful of the curly brown hair he sported, throwing it to the side with a sigh. Jimin noticed, of course not letting it slip. "What's wrong, you didn't make much today?" He asked. "I thought you did pretty good while I was out there."

 

"I know and I don't know why. I mean, I'm trying my damned hardest, too." The frustration, desperation and confusion was all too clear to be heard. KunBhu pulled out the small centimeter roll of money from his bra and rested it on the counter. "I only earned this much today. Only five dollars more than yesterday."

 

"Stop complaining about it. Be happy you got five extra. Some of us don't even get paid to be here." He turned around to see Yoongi's reflection staring at him through his mirror. Still not taking Jimin's advice, the pale guy was still in his fitted red dress sitting in his chair backwards, legs open and the back of the chair to his chest.

 

Really, KunBhu was surprised. Yoongi had never talked to him before or vice versa. He always thought he was one of those head cheerleader personalities despite what everyone else there told him. "Sorry, hyung."

 

"The hell are you apologizing for?" Yoongi removed his gloves to reveal powdery, fragile fingers with chipped, dark red nails from biting habits. They don't seem to be dying anytime soon due to the fact he lifted a ring finger to his lips. "You don't think it's dangerous to put your real name out there? You can't just give that to your clients. It'll be easier for them to look you up and you don't want that, trust me."

 

He pondered for a bit, not really sure what to use. He'd never actually gave it thought beforehand because he didn't find it necessary. "I started off with mine too but the club said it was too risky since I work in other places so they choose Baby J for me." Jimin stated.

 

"Do you have any nicknames besides KunBhu that you use?" Jaebum asked but the answer was negative. "Or something simple like, uh, GG or Candi?"

 

"That's mine." Yoongi reminded.

 

"But yours is Suga."Jimin corrected.

 

"But it's the same damn thing so shut the hell up." Was his retort. "No one else gives you a nickname?"

 

KunBhu perked up at the mention. "Well this guy that's been coming to see me for the past three days calls me BamBam." The little shit never said anything about this.

 

Jimin's eyes visibly got wider, mouth falling agape as he hit KunBhu's hand. "Ya! You got your first regular and didn't tell anyone!"

 

Little did the kid know, a dancer's first regular was a pretty big deal, almost as big of a deal as a wedding. It means someone had taken a liking to you and was willing to spend their money trying to get you in their bed. The relationship had to be mutual, though, and since he was a trainee, within the club walls only.

 

It was at this point he was glad he finally had a name, that his real one was too hard to pronounce and that he was denied of his assumptions about most people there. Especially Yoongi. He didn't think of him as a nice but caring person.

 

"Do any of you have regulars? KunBhu asked his hyungs. Most of them answered but it was weird since the female appearance and manly voice needed adapting to.

 

"Mine is Joohyun."

 

"I have Manseok."

 

"Lim Hyungtae."

 

"Seongju."

 

Names were being thrown all over the place from different voices. "Jimin, who's your regular?" Jaebum teased, knowing his answer. Hell, everyone knew. It was just funny.

 

"Aish! Shut up! It's not funny!"

 

"Why? He doesn't like talking about it?" KunBhu asked Jae so innocently. Of course he didn't want to talk about it.

 

"He doesn't have a regular because he's not even legal ye-"

 

"I SAID SHUT UP!!"

 

A stampede of laughter rung throughout the backstage area at Jimin's hopeless love affair. They didn't even know why he was still chasing Jungkook when the kid was practically still breastfeeding from his mommy.

 

"He's cute." was always his answer but it justified nothing.

 

KunBhu turned towards Yoongi to see him shirtless in sweatpants looking for a shirt, eveverything packed in his duffel bag ready for departure. "Yoongi hyung, do you have a regular?"

 

The laughter died off into a really thick and awkward silence like he said something wrong. All of them were just talking about Jimin's unrequited love then all of a sudden the topic is poison.

 

He was about to say something else when he felt Jaebum's hand on his shoulder, shaking his head in cancellation of the subject before he gathered his things and left with 'goodbyes'. It was until Yoongi found a shirt that he said something. "Yeah. I do."

 

Now he was being cautious of his questions, not wanting to make the elder upset. "Do you like him?"

 

"Nope." Yoongi dragged the 'N' before ending it with a pop. KunBhu was confused by his answer though. If he hated him, why was he with him? And as if he'd read his mind, the elder answered, "Because I'm a gold digger and I need someone to pay my bills."

 

Although it was something to look down upon, the trainee did the opposite. "He pays your bills?!" To which Yoongi replied that his regular actually pays for his house, shit he bought it, and pampers him with gifts and such. Not that he was interested but he didn't mind either.

 

Even if KunBhu didn't know the full story or the story at all, his eyes were brightened at the mentions of big houses, cars and rings. It was everything he fancied. He'd hoped his regular would be as great as his hyung's despite the warning he got of being careful which he brushed off with a "Yeah, yeah. Okay."

 

Yoongi asked Jimin if he was ready to leave so he could be on time to practice. They both bid their farewells before leaving in Yoongi's (nice but unwanted) car.

 

About five minutes into the ride Jimin decided to talk. "I can't believe you actually told him about Jin. Not everything, but you told him." It was rare his hyung ever talked about his partner, sex buddy, to just anyone.

 

"I know. I wanted to."

 

"Why, though?"

 

"To scare him." They made a tight left turn, still in view of city lights. If the various lights flashing across Jimin's ever-so confused face didn't show Yoongi that his dongsaeng wasn't catching anything he said, he didn't know what.

 

"How could you scare him by talking about the good things he's done for you? That doesn't make any sense!" The two-timed dancer exclaimed. In all honesty, he wasn't sure he knew either. He wasn't even sure if that was the effect it gave the boy.

 

Something finally came up. "I guess by talking only about the good things Jin's done for me, KunBhu would probably try to get on that level with his regular." This was his reason? Really?

 

It somewhat made a dent of sense in Jimin's thick skull but he had questions. "What about the downfalls and consequences? You're gonna tell him about those, too?"

 

But Yoongi shook his head in veto. "I'll let him find out about those on his own. Doesn't look like just talking to him about it would do any good anyway." In some way, Jimin felt himself agree with his hyung about the boy.


	2. Linger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YoonJin chapter 
> 
> A little backstory and minor smut.
> 
>  
> 
> Song of Chapter: (Ed Sheeran - Bloodstream)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tis I, Author-nim.
> 
> I really want you guys to give feedback, negative or positive, so I know how I'm doing with this story. 
> 
> Also if anyone is offended or doesn't like it, I suggest you stop reading now because this IS basically a drag queen! AU and drag queen like things will happen.
> 
> (It's really a stripper au but I hate that word.)

On the way home, Yoongi immediately regretted bringing Jimin with him. Sure, he was the only ride the boy had from the club and back but he just talked so damn much.

 

And it was usually about nothing like the weather or some random trivia about Jungkook. He didn't even know the kid and he felt bad for him because when Jimin likes someone, he likes them and would do anything to get them.

 

Yoongi wasn't even sure Jungkook knew about the crush. Everytime he'd see him at Namjoon's family food joint after practice at the dance studio, the boy was always flashing his bunny smile so innocently.

 

But as much as his dongsaeng irritated him, he didn't want to see his goofy ass smile disappear anytime soon. 

 

"...TaeTae. We tried to make a cake once for his mom. It was finished so we put it in the oven but we forgot the icing so we went to the store. When we got back, the cake wasn't pink anymore. No no, it was black."

 

By this point in their friendship, Jimin knew he was talking more to himself than his hyung.

 

It wasn't long before Jimin was dropped off in front of the dance studio a little after nine. He walked out of his friend's car, firmly closing the door before resting his elbows on the window. 

 

"Hey, could you tell Namjoon hyung I said 'hi' for me?"

 

"Can't." Yoongi simply stated. "I'm not going straight home tonight."

 

There was a brief pause, so small you needed a microscope to see it, with no words being said. "Oh." Jimin knew better than to ask where exactly he was going because he knew exactly where he was going.

 

Doesn't mean in the slightest he didn't disrespect his hyung for his poor choices, as complex as it was. "What?"

 

The younger wasn't aware of his staring and didn't want to be late to practice. His instructor wasn't really the one to discipline but he also didn't want to hold up his hyung.

 

"Just...just be careful, okay?"

 

Of course he'd be careful. Yoongi wasn't afraid of Jin. The dark haired elder nodded, slightly waving to show goodbye before leaving.

 

 

 

Yoongi approached the door with the numbers given to him to match were polished in gold and green colors to go with the rest of the interior. The door itself looked rusted on the hinges, the paint in the hall was fading in color and there was a vase covering a hole in the wall. 

 

Most things like this would scare people to death but that wasn't what raised his adrenaline. Yoongi was almost, if not completely, immune to becoming visibly erratic.

 

No one has ever experienced him in a such a pitiful state and he refuses to let that happen, showing people his weak side. The only person who has ever gotten close to making that happen was...

 

"Jin." Yoongi spoke as he entered the kitchen. The only that could probably be of use to the jerk was his cooking skills. Yoongi didn't like him but he liked his kimchi.

 

Said man looked iver his broad shoulder at the brunette male. He chuckled before turning his attention back to the pot of kimchi jjigae. "I didn't think you'd actually show."

 

"Not like I actually had a choice either." Yoongi mumbled as he sat his things on the floor of the hotel. The room was pretty big and spacious, a bathroom, full fledged living area with a couch, tv and fireplace. Everything was fine until he stumbled across the bedroom that had one bed for them to share.

 

That was the only reason Yoongi considered actually sleeping on the couch tonight but of course that was inevitable.

 

"Why'd you choose this dingy place?"

 

Seokjin brought the pot of stew to the table he'd already set prior to Yoongi's arrival. He motioned for him to sit across from him. "I chose this dingy place because I was already out and wanted to spend time with you after you left the club."

 

'Spend time with a romantic dinner or just pamper me before you fuck me into mattress?' But that's just a thought.

 

Yoongi sat across from his mate, avoiding eye contact at all costs. "Okay." He said before praying over their dinner.

 

 

As much as he enjoyed Seokjin's meal and the exceptional wine they shared on the sofa entangled in each other, he felt uncomfortable. They used to do this almost every weekend three times a month but now it's so common, it's like breathing.

 

After he leaves the club, he drops Jimin off and if he could make it home Jin would aready be there or arrange a room at a hotel like now. On nights Seokjin would visit him at work, Yoongi would end up in the man's bedroom the next morning- or the next two or five days later.

 

Not that their routine was problematic. It was just...old? Boring, maybe? And Yoongi knew if he asked Jin to leave him alone again, he'd get mad. The scars on the right side of his stomach reminded him of that morning every day.

 

He didn't even realize he was so deep in his mind in the middle of their heartless kiss. Seokjin noticed this and pulled back from the younger. "Yoongi." He said, a tad bit annoyed at his carelessness when he continued to stare.

 

As the younger straddled his lap, Jin reached around to hold the other's small butt and gave it a firm squeeze. Yoongi'd be lying if he said it didn't shoot heat straight down to his nether regions given the light moan that barely escaped him. He'd hoped Seokjin hadn't heard it but he did nonetheless.

 

And that's when the routine began again.

 

This somehow pleased Jin to see the other react lewdly to just a simple squeeze so he did it again but with more pressure eliciting another, huskier moan. With Jin, he liked to be rough despite his appearance. One would think he was gentle and loving towards his lover and Yoongi believed that's what made "this" fun.

 

Jin, hands still in Yoongi's jeans, pulled him impossibly closer, harshly grinding against his partner with slow rolls of his hips. Damn did it feel good against their jeans.

 

A protest was about to be made until Seokjin latched onto the brunette's neck. Purple lovebites appeared on the skin under his lips with little but effective pressure. Although the "affection" and attention was nice, Yoongi didn't want it.

 

He pushed the elder away with a light shove at the chest. They both shared a moment of eye contact before Yoongi looked away. "Um...I'm tired." He thought Seokjin understood as he removed his hands from the brunette's pants.

 

This was a bit weird. Seokjin almost never let him just stop in the middle of their rutting just because he was "tired". Yoongi wasn't sure what was happening but he took the opportunity anyway. He stood and stalked off to the bathroom to shower when he heard,

 

"Do you really mean that?"

 

No. Of course not. Well, yes. A part of him that was tired of knowing about what this was or more so of what this relationship wasn't. It was tired of repetition, the same old cycle of nothingness.

 

But there was the other side that loved the indecent assault. It was like hickeys were purple and blue paints that decorated over his canvas of skin and it was beautiful. Masochistic? Maybe.

 

But was it this side that won?

 

Yes.

 

Yoongi turned to look over his shoulder towards his lover whom started walking past him towards the bedroom. Jin had slid his shirt over his head tossing it elsewhere before dissapearing through the door.

 

And not too long after, knowing he'd regret it sometime later, Yoongi followed in behind Jin shedding his own shirt at 10:09.

 

At 10:13, he lost his pants.

 

His boxers were thrown by the window at 10:18.

 

He was Jin's bowling ball by 10:25 and by 10:30, in less than the twenty one minutes he walked into the bedroom, that familiar burn was back that he hated but loved so much. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if this is short and took too long to update.
> 
>  
> 
> I have cheerleading plus a school project and family things to do so I try to write 3 paragraphs or more everyday.
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you understand and like the story so far. Thanks


	3. Alter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the one night stand, Yoongi goes to help Namjoon at the restaurant.
> 
> Song of Chapter: (Avril Lavigne - Things I'll Never Say)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might be a short chapter

Throughout the bustle in the small restaurant in the Yongsan-gu District of Seoul, the staff was busy running around here and there due to rush hour.

 

"Apple Kimchi, please?"

 

"Can I have more Kochujang sauce?"

 

"Is there more Bokbunja wine?"

 

"My tteokbbokki is cold!"

 

"Aish! I'm coming!" Namjoon snatched the customer's dish, earning a few foul words and a piece of her mind. And no one stopped them because it always happens.

 

At that moment, Yoongi entered the cafe bowing to welcome his noonas before finding a tight but vacant spot at the counter between a kimchijeon-eating brute and the wall. It wasn't comfortable at all.

 

He looked up to see Namjoon slam the plate of tteokbbokki in the trash. "Hey." He tried to say as his friend waved only to turn around to more demanding customers trying to get their orders taken. 

 

There was no way the limited staff was going to handle all of these people alone.

 

A notepad was left idle on a table and he was pretty sure there was a pen in his back pocket. There's nothing wrong with starting a shift early.

 

 

 

It was almost 5:30 and rush hour didn't look like it would lighten up anytime soon. Even with the extra help, it took no effect as more people flooded in. Although thirty minutes ago, Yoongi actually had time to talk to his roommate.

 

"He left again?" The blonde asked as he stood across the counter from his friend. "Did he leave that fucking rose, too?"

 

Yoongi nodded to the all-too-obvious question. He hated roses. They smelled horrible like baboon ass and had an unmentionable amount of reasons why he shunned the flower. But one of them was because there were plenty of other flowers to represent love. Not just some stinky, red flower.

 

Namjoon sighed and leaned forward onto the counter for more privacy in the restaurant. "I hate how he treats you like trash one day then acts like you're his princess the next. He's so fucking stupid."

 

And even if everything Namjoon said was true, half of him couldn't bring himself to accept it and wanted to reach across to punch him in the face for talking shit about his boyfriend...his mate. Partner maybe?

 

Yoongi still wasn't clear on that whole subject and steered away from it entirely. It was complicated, too much for someone to understand what happened in those 4 years they'd known each other. It was hell and heaven at the same time. A bittersweet type of love, except there was no such thing as love in their terms anymore.

 

"Hyung!" The brunette was so wrapped up in his own mind, he didn't notice he'd been washing the same cup for the past five minutes. He quickly rinsed and put it away before turning to see who'd called him.

 

Only to see that brat Jimin. "What do you want?"

 

The younger gasped with fake hurt. Telling they came from the dance studio wasn't hard from the smell of sweat he basked in. He should be hungry. "How mean! Aish, you better be lucky I'm not hungry right now!"

 

"Why? We're you gonna order some food?"

 

"No, I'm actually thirsty. Can I have some banana milk?"

 

Yoongi gave the other a hard, long grimace and after contemplating, he moved to fix the dairy drink by gathering the ingredients. The 'thank you, hyung' he received was ignored as Jimin announced he was going to the bathroom for a minute, not like it mattered.

 

It was hard trying to cut the bananas into slices since the only ones they had were in the freezer. Yoongi immediately pointed towards Namjoon's (kink) logic that fruits are better frozen to preserve freshness or something.

 

'Fucking nerd.' He thought.

 

Before mixing everything in, the optional yet effective ingredient was cinnamon. Did Jimin even like cinnamon? Asking didn't hurt anybody. But the brunette forgot the younger went to the bathroom.

 

"Hey Jimin, do you like cinnamon?" He asked the empty space.

 

"Um, I don't think he does." The new voice almost made the boy cut his pinky finger in half and his heart skip thirty beats despite the calm look on his face. He turned quickly to see who was talking to him and, to his surprise, it was a rather cute, but young, looking guy. "Why are you cutting bananas with a butcher knife?"

 

Yoongi looked at the item in his hand. How was he supposed to know that was a knife for cutting meat? "It's still a knife, right?" He turned back around to finish making the banana milk for his donsaeng who has thoroughly convinced Yoongi he was taking a dump.

 

The customer kinda laughed at the remark, entertained somehow. Then, he squinted his eyes narrowly at the working brunette questionably. "Ah, you work here?" The guy asked. If the apron and him being in the kitchen wasn't already a sign....

 

Without turning around, Yoongi said, "Sometimes. What about it?" He was busy and the stranger kept taking to him so he was a bit annoyed by now. Who wouldn't be?

 

"Nothing. I just felt like I've seen you before. Like in a club or something." Of course this made Yoongi stop his actions and focus on the boy who may or may not be a threat to his personal life. "What's your name?"

 

His name? Giving him his real name would be okay but if he really did know him from the club, that'd be troublesome. As would vice versa. If he knew him from someplace else and gave him his dancer name, it'd be weird because there's only one SUGA certain people know.

 

Neither one would work. But if he was a friend of Jimin's, he'd at least wanted to be somewhat truthful to him. Min Yoongi. What if he switched it?

 

"JeeYun. It's Min JeeYun." Nailed it. He'd have to eventually tell the guy....maybe but for now this'll do. 

 

"Min JeeYun..." The guy repeated and it sounded better on his tongue. "I'm Hoseok. I'll call you MinYun." The disgusted, questionable look on Yoongi's face probably sensed he didn't either like the name or understand it. 

 

"Banana!" Hoseok imitated the sound of the minions from none other than Despicable Me. They were the entire reason the movie was successful. A hearty laugh erupted from Hoseok's throat and wasn't it the goofiest thing Yoongi'd ever heard.

 

It kind of made him smile a bit at how ridiculous it was.

"Oh, hyung! You met Hoseok?" Jimin emerged from the bathroom after a good few minutes of what Yoongi assumed was constipation.

 

"I hope you fucking sprayed."

 

"I hope you fucking made m--SORRY. I'M SORRY!" Jimin apologized quickly before his hyung threw the knife at his neck. He placed the drink on the counter and propped his arm on it. "He's your friend?"

 

The younger could only nod in the middle of enjoying his beverage. "Yeah. I'm kinda new to the area so he's showing me around a bit." Gwangju accent. He had a Gwangju accent. He was from the Gwangju district. That's about a few good miles from where Yoongi grew up.

That's probably why he thought he'd seen him before. But Yoongi hated being around people, let alone go out for any reason. The only place he'd willingly visit was either the cafe or the club and he barely had anything to do here so he'd just go home.

 

This was going to bother him all day.

 

"Hyung, this is my other hyung, Min--"

 

"We already introduced ourselves. JeeYun, right?" And the brunette nodded. Jimin wasn't the fastest racer so Yoongi would have to explain later. At least the boy was cute enough to make up for it.

 

"Yeah." Jimin said slowly. "Well, we gotta go. Tell Namjoon hyung I said 'see ya tomorrow.'" He announced as the pair stood and walked towards the door. "Bye hyung!" The new friend waved as he followed his dance mate out.

Yoongi gave a lazy wave back as the bell chimed when the door closed. He returned to the counter to clean his mess for his friend's drink. His eyes fell upon the banana and a light smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "Banana." Came a whisper in the voice of the minions.


	4. Soap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Throwback chapter to when Jin and Yoongi first met.
> 
> Song of Chapter: (Melanie Martinez - Soap)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the furthest I've ever gotten with a story. I'm so happy!!
> 
> I already planned everything out up to Chapter 6/7 so there might be frequent updates.
> 
> Enjoy

When it first started, everything was fine. Not perfect but way easier than now.

There was meaningful pampering, loving and actual love making--not quick fucks.

 

But most of that was my fault.

 

I left the faucet running, I was too open and willing to let him in, when he finally got attached, it was gone. Everything.

A simple "I love you" made my happiness disappear down the drain. I tried too hard to keep the water warm to no avail.

 

It was a cliche meeting, me working at the cafe with Namjoon way before Jimin knew me. A few days before my birthday-- a week to be exact. Namjoon's mom had him working in the back because he broke a few dishes so he was away from his usual spot at the counter.

 

That dreadful day I wished I was in the back instead of Namjoon. 

 

He walked in the shop with a pretty girl shorter than him. JuJu was her supposed name. They took a seat by the window on that particular sunny day. The light shined down on them as if they were the best things on Earth.

 

I watched them talk for a bit before answering to other customers. 

 

We were pretty full that day as well so the counter was heavily flooding with people. I managed to get ten orders before going in the back, telling Eomma we needed a lot of kimchi for the fried rice. After the orders were taken, I returned to the counter only to face that glorious being sitting in the corner.

 

Or so I thought then.

 

There were three orders before him and if I still remembered the feeling--a warm feeling spread through my chest up my neck to my cheeks. He seemed to notice my hesitation and laughed.

 

That was the first time I felt embarrassed in a long time.

 

There were a lot of feelings I hadn't felt in a long time. Half of them was because of that "glorious being ".

 

Kim Seokjin. After one date in the city, I found out the name God had given this creature. And yes, creature. There isn't one person on this planet that does what he does.

Flirting was the starting point. Then visits followed suit along with pampering and house visits. I didn't even realize how wrapped up I was in him. I gave him everything I had to offer: my heart, my ass, my trust and attention.

That JuJu girl was just someone from school. He was studying to become a doctor in the future and he thought that was going to interfere with his love life. Dating was something he'd never done before, he said, but the way he penetrated my insides said otherwise.

And I liked it.

 

I liked the affection we had. It made me feel good, like someone wanted me in their life. I made someone happy and it made me happy.

When you're married to someone, it starts off as a mutual thing, that's why you got married in the first place. Everything is smooth. Kisses, cuddles, the whispers in the ears, sex and all. They say relationships shouldn't revolve around sex because it's pointless.

 

As pointless as trying to blow up a balloon with a hole in it.

 

I noticed that throughout our visits when he'll just come over for just that. And I even asked him about it. Why he came over just to pleasure me (more of himself than me) then leave. It happened so much, so often I was tired of being careful and patient.

 

Then I thought:

"Why do you have to hide our relationship?"

'I'm studying to become a doctor. You want me to do that, right? How do you think they'll feel if me dating a guy was public?'

Which made sense then but I still felt as if there was another reason.

 

That JuJu girl. One day, we were at the house together, he was fixing lunch at around 12 o'clock. I sat at the counter on the other side of the kitchen when he announced he had to use the bathroom. He left his phone behind.

I could see the t.v. from where I was and watched it for a good while before the phone buzzed once. I didn't pay attention since he'll just get it after he finishes. A while went by before it buzzed again.

Then twice.

And a third time.

 

To me, it seemed as if the message was about work or pretty urgent for it to go off that many times. So like a good lover would, I decided to go give it to him. Though, it wasn't until I tapped the screen that it wasn't really urgent. Or about work.

 

From: JuJu 

Jinnie~ You're late again...

11:58

 

From: JuJu

Are you coming?

12:02

 

Missed call from JuJu

 

From: JuJu

This is the third time you stood me up on a date for that waiter guy. 

12:08

 

Even if it was wrong of me to snoop, I kinda wished I hadn't done it. This was probably why he wanted us to be exclusive. It didn't make a difference, anyway. She already fucking knew.

 

He could wait to reply to her. It's not that important.

 

Another buzz meant another text was sent, obviously from JuJu. 'Remember that I love you, okay?'

 

She does. So does Jin. I've heard him say it many times before sometimes when they'd go to the cafe or when he was on the phone in front of me. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit upset by it. Because I never heard him say it towards me.

 

I thought it was one of those things where you didn't have to voice how much you love that person. You just know you do. Apparently that wasn't it.

 

After what seemed like years, he waltzed back into the kitchen to finish his meal. His phone was in it's previous place on the counter and my focus was on the t.v. like it never left. 

 

"Did I get any text messages from anyone? I felt like I forgot something today..."

 

"I think so. I don't know." He must've noticed my attitude and mentally questioned it before checking his phone. "Oh shit."

 

Usually if he forgot something with me, he'd text an apology. But with her, he called, pacing back and forth hoping she'd answer. I think that was just jealousy picking up on every little thing now but who cares.

He treats her different than he does me and I don't think that's fair. If he loves us equally--no, if he loves only one of us, then he needs to let the other person know. But he does love one of us,

And I already know.

 

Ever since that day, I was always trying to get under his skin since he wouldn't let me. It was harder than I thought and it took me a while to realize he never really wanted me to.

 

I was always in the back, the second choice waiting to be chosen. I never was wanted unless he needed someone to release his sexual needs with. He'd never done that with JuJu. Jin respected every decision she made and didn't push her to do anything she didn't want.

 

I, on the other hand, was always being pushed, begged and almost always forced into everything. There were plenty of times I wanted to fill the bathtub up with water and bubbles so he'd get comfortable first. Then I'd just throw a toaster in out of anger because he didn't love me like her. And I pondered doing it for a while.

 

But the other side of me didn't want to kill him or hurt him at any costs. Because I still kinda loved him in a way despite the emotions he caused me to feel unwillingly. The "angel on my shoulder" wanted me to accept it and leave him, which would've been a good idea while everything was still fresh. Or when he asked.

 

"Do you still want to be here with me?"

 

I should've said no to the little psycho shit but that "angel" wanted to stay there. So I said yes.

 

And since he asked me a question that night, I wanted to retaliate with my own. "Do you love me?" I wanted to say as equally as JuJu but he was still oblivious of me reading the texts. 

 

I swear, I haven't seen anyone deny something I wish they hadn't in so long. A getaway. A quick fix. Plaything was what he said I was. That there wasn't actually any love behind any of it and, to this day, there still isn't but he claims he like there's some left because JuJu is barely around.

 

"There is no love whatsoever shared between us but you are as useful to me as paper to pencils."

How was that supposed to lighten the mood? Those four words caused me so much emotional damage and he didn't even care.

 

God I wished I never spoke.

Now I have to wash my mouth out with soap.


	5. Learning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song of Chapter: Tori Kelly - Dear No One
> 
> This is important. I decided I'm going to write in Yoongi's POV from now on to get a more personal impact.

People should, when in love, have two chances to say "I love you." 

The first one is used when you're still young and oblivious to the meaning of it. When you fall for that kid in elementary school with the ice cream stains on their shirt and outdated lunchbox passed down from their grandpa.

Well, mine wasn't as good as that scenario. More like the girl in pigtails that carried a Spider-Man lunchbox to class everday. 

The cute, white love is the best kind but they all don't end the right way.

 

The second time you should say those three words is to someone that appeals to the more mature, older you. It's still the cute love phase but this one has more advantages because there's the parent approval, guidance, learning a lot of things while you're still testing everything.

 

Most people in this phase tend to strive longer in love unless you're just unwilling to get back in the game.

 

I want to play the game again without the players that come with it. I'm technically still playing, though, my piece isn't moving anywhere. 

 

It was three years ago. I was almost finished until I let another player roll his dice and get a step ahead of me. Before I knew it, I was trying to roll my on dice, trying to get ahead of him but I was just knocked back to the starting point.

 

So I'm going to start over.

I'll just wait when it's the right time to love someone since Jin was an obvious mistake. Rushing into things isn't going to make anything better, either. Though we're not seeing each other, sex is still occasional and a loose string keeping this relationship together. 

I'll tell him sometime this week I'm not interested anymore...or keep my mouth shut. That seems more rational right now.

 

Though, I'm not sure if I'm willing to commit myself out of love for someone. What can I give to them? I don't have anything to offer.

 

Young people have so many chances to go out with as many individuals as they want and it'd be overlooked because they're still learning. So lucky... risky, too because of the fact they're leaning, they don't know what to do in certain situations and, in all honesty, it scares me.

 

Especially Kunpimook.

 

He's 18 and is already a dancer over at the club. From what I can depict from his attention-seeking behavior and specialty at pushing the other dancers and customers to do things he wants, he was either: 

A.) The youngest or only child, neglected at home and wants attention.

Or B.) Has self-esteem issues.

 

It was something I thought about while he was over in one of the corner booths that shone pink light onto the sitters, talking to Mark. Their interactions were always breif and flirty in a cute way. If Kunpimook actually likes this guy, I'd be happy for him but lately, the meetings have been longer. 

Mark always ordered a Strawberry Pina Colada drink that consisted of Caribbean Rum, dark rum and a few strawberries. I'd always see Kunpi sit on his lap and have Mark feed them to him, which was so mushy it made me sick to watch. He'd never finish the drink because he was a lawyer and he had places to be but lately I've been getting empty cups back.

I hoped it wasn't what I thought it was, though.

 

Today, I had to man the bar from 11 to 3. The shift was cut so I could make it to the cafe on time. It was pretty slow so that gave me time to clean up a little after Mark ordered his drink and sat down with Kunpi back on his lap.

I was bent over the counter reaching for a few glasses that needed cleaning when I saw a blur of pink light move towards the table.

My eyes were probably playing tricks. When I turned towards the two in the booth laughing and smiling, I had to be seeing things. Until I saw really saw it.

Kunpi leaned down to take the straw between his lips withdrawing so much of the drink, enough to make him beyond drunk, and Mark was sitting there with this happy ass smile plastered on his face. What's there to be happy about?

I watched them for a while longer before Mark noticed. He pushed the empty glass away from the younger, talking to him and walked with each other to the door for his departure.

 

A chaste kiss and Kunpi stood by himself at the door. "Hyung!" What the fuck? Don't talk to me you dipshit. Nonetheless, the dark haired teen made his way over to the counter and sat in one of the stools. He must've been offended by how I didn't say anything back, which is normal.

 

"What's wrong?" The question made me put down the glass I was cleaning. He jumped a bit, looking back up to me.

 

"A lot. Of shit is wrong. My partner is an ass. I work two jobs back to back. I have anxiety and plenty other things. I also have a problem with underage kids drinking." The last part seemed to have caught him off guard. Perfect.

 

But his only focus was "I'm not a kid." 

 

"It doesn't fucking matter what term you prefer. You're under 21 and shouldn't be drinking alcohol." Kunpi sighed heavily while rolling his eyes.

 

"You sound like my mom..."

 

"Someone has to while your so busy ignoring her."

"How'd you know I was ignoring my mom?"

 

"I didn't."

Just those two words made him visibly tense up. "Hyung." I'm more surprised than he is. I hit it on the nail without even trying. "That's not what I wanted to talk to you about. Well kinda..."

 

Now he wants to talk. I mean this'll help me find out what's wrong with him but a club isn't really the right setting. I leaned forwards on my elbows to be at eye level with him. "I think I need a mentor."

 

The rum filled drink was still present on his breath but it wasn't entirely a bad smell. "What made you want to decide on that? Who? A mentor for what? Have you even considered that?"

 

Kunpi nodded, his gaze fixed on the counter. "I have and...I thought that maybe you could be my mentor?" He finished looking up at me.

 

"Was that a fucking question?" I asked ridiculously. "I mean I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings or something but I'm not a teacher. What do you want me to teach you specifically?"He did seem a little hurt in the eyes but was haughty in his actions.

 

"In life." Not ever had I wanted to laugh so hard in my life.

 

I stood up to pick up the glass I didn't inish cleaning. "Kid, I'm not Jesus. I can't work miracles like that. How do you expect someone like me to teach you about life? I'm as fucked up as any other person you ask for help." 

 

The glass went back onto the rack with the others under the counter. There were two--wait, three, four more glasses I missed that had spots all over them. I'm half doing a lot today...

 

"Well maybe I need a fucked up person to tell me what the hell not to do." His response distracted me from what I was doing but I didn't get up from my crouching position. "You seem to have more experience than a regular person, anyway."

 

More experience. With what, sex? How to get money? How to put on makeup and walk in heels? I sat on one knee to get more comfortable on the floor behind the counter. Kunpi could still see the top of my head, I'm pretty sure.

 

"Someone like me? Erotic dancers don't have mentors."

 

"Why not?" 

 

That time, I stood up face-to-face with the boy. Maybe he does need a mentor to teach him a few things because he's completely oblivious. "Why not?" I could tell by his body movement he was scared. I still have figure out why I love doing it to him, too. "You really believe the world cares about people like us?"

Was it a little harsh? Maybe.

Did he need to know it? Of course.

 

I gave it some thought and realized....

I was already mentoring him. Before he even asked. "Damn."

 

Movement in front of me took my attention away from my thoughts. Kunpi was standing and rubbed the back of his neck. "It's okay if you don't want to do it. I...was just asking." After that, he left the building through the glass doors.

 

"Damn it." I repeated.

 

Later that day, an hour after I left the club, I found myself back at the cafe. The business here was as slow as the club's so I had a longer break which meant more time to write. I took a small table by the glass window across from the counter.

There wasn't really anything to inspire me to write at the moment. I'd be lying if I said it sucked. Sucked so much I resorted to writing about myself, but not in the rap style I usually do. The teen-girl-diary sort of way.

 

'I like being independent

Not so much of an investment  
No one to tell me what to do  
I like being by myself  
Don't gotta entertain anybody else  
No one to answer to...'

 

It wasn't as bad as I thought. The rev of an engine outside averted my attention. Through the glass was a motorcyclist dressed in black to match his bike, which was a nice, shiny Ducati--really expensive probably. I bet he was a douche.

A hot douche with money.

From the looks of it, he was ripped, pretty muscular and slim. The biker sat up after parking alongside the pacement. His hands went up to hold the sides of his helmet. My neck was hurting from holding the position for too long--head against the glass, pen still in my right hand in the middle of writing.

When he took the headwear off, I was flabbergasted. It was that lame guy with the banana jokes and weird laugh. Hotteok? Hoseok, I think. But I appreciated the fact he looked stunning in black, sweat dripping from his forehead because of the enclosed garment. 

I didn't even notice Namjoon's eomma sweeping the floor and stop at my table to see what I was looking at. "Oh? You like him, yeah?" I turned to see her gummy, wrinkly eyesmile. She was always supportive of my sexuality for a long time now and I love her for it. 

"I've never seen you like that before. Well, when you first met that Seokjin character. But that screwball doesn't matter right now." She pointed outside the window. "Do you know him?"

I somewhat did but not really. I'm not sure if I want to. 

"Take his order. Ask him on a date." The front door's bell rung as he walked into the cafe and greeted the staff. Eomma leaned in to whisper, "Talk to him and if he likes you, nothing's stopping you from riding that horse into oblivion." My eyes went wide after her statement.

 

"Eomma!" But she scurried away with the broom, laughing all the way to the kitchen. I didn't think she was so...dirty.

 

My yelling apparently attracted the attention of a few customers. Including Hoseok, who made his way over. His simple outfit of a black shirt and dark jeans even looked appealing although it was 80 degrees out. "Hey."

 

And I had nothing to say so I nodded my head as a reply. He laughed and my chest filled with a warmth that crept up my neck to spread across my face.

"You're okay, right?"

 

"Yeah. It's..." I trailed off, fanning myself. "The heat. It's hot."

 

You're hot.

 

Hoseok nodded in agreement before looking down at my hand. "You're into journalism like Jimin?" I like a lot of things but that isn't one of them. Jimin had taken up that course in school recently. He was pretty good but I'm not one to judge. "No." 

 

The biker leaned in to get a better look, frowning up when he gazed over my writing. "Who's Min Yoongi?" Shit. I forgot I didn't tell him my actual name and it's not like I know him well enough to give it to him, either.

Averting the question is cowardly but useful for me. So that's what I did. 

But it seemed as if he caught my uneasiness and averts it, too. "You're not working today? I was kinda hoping to see you be rude to customers today." Hoseok gave a little laugh at the end of his sentence.

"Why? Are you hungry?" I asked, still writing. I watched him shake his head lightly from the corner of my eye then sighed.

 

"I'm just asking."

 

Thinking of lyrics is hard when someone is trying to talk to you. It's highly annoying. "I'm on my break."

 

"How long is it?"

 

I shrugged.

 

"You don't like talking, do you?"

 

"You sure do hate silence, don't you?"

 

And, surprisingly, it was silent for a while before he started up again. "You don't look like you have a lot of friends."

 

"You ask a lot of fucking questions. Where's Jimin? Go talk to him."

So I noticed something: I was being really rude today. First to Kunpimook then Hoseok. Neither one of them did anything wrong, either. It was at that moment I realized...

 

I'm a huge dick.

It's been a while since Hoseok said anything, six minutes maybe. An apology was somewhat forming but never got past my lips when Hoseok says, "Maybe. I have to go see him, anyway." He stood up making the chair scrape against the tile. 

It wasn't a causal announcement, either. Maybe from the sound of it but the look on his face showed sadness, disappointment almost.

And it made me feel like shit.

 

Hoseok didn't say anything else from leaving his seat to boarding his bike just outside the window. My eyes weren't fixated on anything but the paper with my horrible handwriting scribbled across it. 

I needed to apologize to the both of them. I'll come across Kunpimook later tonight but I probably won't see Hoseok again until tomorrow. He might not even come in tomorrow. I sighed hard and rested my head against the palm of my hand.

 

"What happened to 'riding the horse'?!" A voice made me look up only to feel a hand meet the back of my head. "Stupid boy!"

 

"Eomma!" 

 

"Shut up, you inconsiderate little toad! You hurt his feelings being rude to everyone. That's why you have no friends! My son has more friends than you!" Namjoon, who was currently behind the counter, looked at his mom in surprise. "Eomma!"

 

"Sorry, son. I love you but you're a loser!" She tells me to stop being rude and wonders where I get it from.

 

I'm learning a lot today...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Done with chapter 5.
> 
> I loved writing the dialogue especially Namjoon's mom. 
> 
> Don't forget to Kudos/Bookmark.


	6. Update

I'm really second guessing this story. At first, I said I wasn't going to update unless there were more activity with this story but there isn't any so far so I might just stop it all together and start something else.

If you guys want me to continue then say something but other than that, this is discontinued as of now.

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter one is over. I hope you like it so far.
> 
> Please comment and kudos~
> 
> Thank you for reading.


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